Now What?

I have another confession. I've not returned to Paleo perfect since this happened. I've been making better choices (like you know, not eating skittles every day or an entire box of peppermint patties-ugh!) for sure, but I could improve on those choices. And I need to.

As you know, my health is, um, wacky... we'll go with wacky. Sometimes I feel amazing, and sometimes a random symptom will reappear. Now I'll say this, even on my worst day since changing my diet, I feel better than my best day before this transition. That's a fact. But I don't want to just feel better than before, I want to feel my best. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that, and I don't think wanting to feel my best and accepting that I may never be able to repair all the damage I've done are mutually exclusive.

There have been some new happenings. I'll go with newest first. I have some sort of weird rash. It's not a rash per se, but I can't come up with a better description for it. It's not psoriasis or DH, it's not eczema nor dry skin. I guess it's hives? I went to my doctor to get my back adjusted and asked him about it, but I would have had to take my pants off to show him what was going on (because it's on my legs people... I know what you were thinking!), and really, the adjustment room is not equipped to allow half naked ladies to retain any dignity. He thinks it's my detergent. I hope he's on to something. But not my detergent. The detergent my neighbors use in our very crappy washers is more likely. I really cannot wait to get out of this place, but that's another posting entirely.

There's also a terrible possibility that because my gut is still leaky - skittles aren't known for their gut healing properties you know - that I'm reacting to something I'm eating. Have I been taking in too much almond flour? I have been indulging a bit in paleofied baked goods recently. Or, heaven forbid, bacon? WHAT IF IT'S BACON?! Bacon is my main source of fat. Truth be told, I tend towards under eating, so eating something so high in fat every day is pretty important for me. But what if it's not bacon? What if it's my tea? I would rather it be bacon over tea. Yes, I love my Earl Grey more than bacon. That's saying a lot. What if it's not tea? What if it's the worst of all? What if it's chocolate?! I mean, I know there's a meaning to life outside chocolate, but I really don't know what that meaning is. Nor do I really care to be forced to find out. Or maybe it's garlic. I really don't know why a person would bother continuing to eat for the rest of their life if they can't have garlic.

Ok, so maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. But I do love all these things. I eat bacon and drink tea every day. Chocolate... not every day. Sometimes weeks will go by and I won't have it. But then there are times when you just don't get between a girl and her chocolate. Same with garlic.

Next problem. Men, you may skip over this paragraph ok? No really, don't read it. You'll be sad if you do. Ok ladies. I'm fluffy. You know what I mean. The bloat. I has it. I'm a small person. Any change in weight more than a pound or two shows. I just can't get away with it the way non-petite women can. I've been carrying around an extra 4-5 lbs for the last month or so. It sucks and messes with my body image (because you know, that's not a problem for women as it is), my clothes don't fit right and blah! That's how I feel about it. I'm wondering if the bloat and the hives(?) are related.

So here's my action plan. I'm currently doing a cleanse of sorts. Nothing major (I don't actually believe in "cleanses" for the most part - they're generally a bunch of expensive and potentially damaging hooey), but I want to work on my gut dysbiosis. So I've been taking a lot of probiotics, as well as an enzyme that is supposed to kill candida. By eating up it's cell walls. I almost feel bad for the little guys, but they've gotten out of control and I must bring order back. It's working. I've been doing this since the weekend, and have started experiencing a healing crisis. Those suck, but they're short lived and life goes on. First thing on the food chopping block is garlic. It's the thing I reintroduced most recently, so I think it's my most likely culprit. Then chocolate if that doesn't seem to work. Then I cry myself to sleep for a week and ponder the meaning of life because I'll have to give up either bacon or tea next. Oh first world problems, how you torment me so.

I'm also thinking about doing a fairly strict 30 day Paleo (almost) perfect plan. Sugar in my tea loves. It's my one real vice in terms of Paleo perfection, and I am still at a point where I can live with that. By thinking, I mean I've already decided I'm going to do that starting Monday.

Why not today? Well, this weekend is Christmas. My dad was sick on Christmas day, and my stepmother was out of town, so we decided last minute on Christmas day that Christmas would be this weekend. That means a movie, and a movie means popcorn. So Paleo almost perfect starts Monday and that's that.

And I guess next time I need to do laundry, I'll have to ask my dad and stepmother very very nicely would they mind me in their house for a couple hours while I run up their water and electricity bills...