I want to start out by saying, I won't talk about this. You and I feel the same way about it, and words are just not good enough.
I just got off the phone with my dad. As I've mentioned before, my Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (which she's all my life called Alltimers) a while back. She is progressing steadily down that road, and there's nothing we can do about it. The worst part about it is not that she's deteriorating (yes of course that's terrible in and of itself); it's the fact that she doesn't know it. In a way yes, that is a good thing. Who wants to know they're falling apart bit by bit? But when you don't know you're falling apart, you don't know you need help. Both my father and I have made mental notes to listen to our children should such a situation arise. If they say we need someone to come and check up on us then it must be true.
That situation has lead me back to how difficult it can be to accept that which you cannot change. No matter how much I know about health and nutrition (or how much I've relearned over these last several months!), at the end of the day, I cannot make my Grandma the person she was. This is hard to accept. No matter how much coconut oil I could try to shove down her throat, I cannot make her remember that she and my Grandfather have been divorced for decades now; his betrayal is not a new pain, but one she'd healed from long ago (she brings that situation up a lot). Or even make her use a cane, because she still insists she can get around just fine (she can't). She can't even hear me when we talk on the phone anymore, so now I don't call. However, she does not know the difference. I guess there are some small blessings mixed in. And for those small graces, I am thankful.
Which brings me back around to my health. Obviously, it is not perfect. Psoriasis. Psoriatic arthritis. Leaky gut. Migraines. Hair falling out. Gluten intolerance. A bad back/hip. IBS. Chronic anemia. Allergies. I have hives as I'm typing this because I reacted to something I ate last week. Have I missed anything? Probably. But I am thankful.
I am thankful.
I am thankful that after years of suffering from all of the above and more, I've found healing. I am thankful that because of my suffering, I learned more of what compassion is. (I need to work on being a more compassionate person, we all do.) I'm thankful that I don't suffer from migraines any longer. I'm thankful my fingers don't hurt when I type now. I'm thankful that my body is making enough hemoglobin, so now I don't get winded walking up the stairs. I'm thankful walking up those stairs doesn't involve feeling like my back and hip will break to pieces! I'm thankful that I don't have to carry around pink tabs and white pills or blue capsules, and that I don't have to worry I'll get sick after eating anymore. I'm thankful I can lift more than 10 pounds. A lot more!
I still have a long way to go, and I don't know that I'll ever be completely healed. That is something I'm learning to accept as well. And accepting that fact is not giving up on my healing (as has been suggested). I will never give up hope that I can put my autoimmunity into remission; I will never stop working towards that goal. But I am willing to accept that better is better than the same. That some damage cannot be undone. I look at where I've come from, and I look at where I am. It's night and day. So I am thankful.
I am thankful that I know what I now know. I'm thankful I've been able to introduce these things to my family. Maybe my father will never have to remember that mental note. Maybe my mom will not have to suffer through another cancer surgery. Maybe my mind, which is the thing I've always valued most about myself, will stick with me all the way until the end. Maybe we'll never live in fear about another heart attack. Maybe my last few months of life won't be spent in pain at the hospital (as was the case with my Mom's Mom). Maybe my (future) children won't feel uncomfortable in their own skin, the way I did for so much of my life.
This was supposed to be a Christmas post. So I guess my gift to myself is one of gratitude. That's a pretty awesome gift in my eyes!
Merry Christmas!
Showing posts with label IBS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IBS. Show all posts
Monday, December 24, 2012
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Random Round-up
Goshness, it's been a while since I posted. Again. Sorry. Again. There's lots to tell you though! Don't know where to start really. Maybe the bad? Yeah, because then things get better right? Ok, we'll go with that, thanks for your input.
Ok so this is the super bad. Prop. 37 in my semi home state of California did not pass. What's the big deal about that?
Mostly I don't care what other states pass or do not pass into law, that's their business. I care when it involves health, and only health. So in addition to this whole Prop. 37 thing, I care about a woman's access to family planning; and yes, access to abortion (though that topic merits an entire posting of it's own, just know before you tell me what a terrible person I am, I have a stance. Here it is: I hate abortion. For real. I think it is psychologically damaging, and if it's not, the woman receiving the abortion has some very serious issues as it is. Here's the thing. I've never met a woman who's had an abortion that was thrilled about it. Not one. It's no sensible, healthy minded woman's idea of birth control. It is a last option. It is a burden they carry for the rest of their lives, and most of them understood that when they made their decision. Yet they still made it, and while they carry that choice for life; they will not go so far as to say they regret it. Why? Because they felt it was the most appropriate thing for their situation. Who the hell am I to tell them what they can and can not do? I've not been in their shoes, and I don't know their life the way they do. So don't bother trying to convert me to anti-choice).
Prop. 37 was about GMO labeling. What's a GMO and why should you care? Read this. Now, the saying is "as California goes, so goes the nation". It's not really true in most cases, but it would have been true in this one. There's a crapton of people living in California you guys. That means there's a crapton of people buying a metric cubed crapton of things. Notably food. When California says "you must label..." companies just go ahead and relabel EVERYTHING. Because in the long run, it's cheaper for them to use the same label on everything they ship, rather than to have a special label just for fancy California peoples and their fancy laws. That effectively means all GMO containing food would have been labeled as such for the entire nation. That would have been rad. Wouldn't you like to know what you're eating? Don't you think you have the right to know what you're eating? These guys don't think so. So I am voting with my wallet until they get their heads out of their asses.
On the upside, it did not pass by a fairly small margin (last stat I saw was 53% against to 47% for), so the message was getting through to a whole lot of people. Maybe next time. In the meantime, don't buy from those companies on that list. Which is pretty easy to do if you're eating Paleo ;)
On to much lighter hearted stuff ok?
The only other not good thing I can think of is this: I've developed hypoglycemic symptoms. That's kind of the middle of the story. Let's start at the start. I took the week of Halloween off and had myself a little staycation. The first Saturday morning, my IBS decided that since I was home for the week, it should come stay with me, and stay it did. All the way until the following Saturday. I have no idea what triggered it, but it made my time off a bit less enjoyable than it otherwise would have been. Now, when I get a long IBS attack, fiber is not my friend. So I was not eating much in the way of carbs, since most of the carbs I eat are of the veggie variety (ok, and chocolate. But chocolate is not a good plan during an IBS attack either. Trust me). She says low carb is bad for woman. I'm going to have to go ahead and agree with her after this bout. Even though my IBS subsided, my digestive system was just not up for veggies. I could eat some sauteed spinach at dinner time (oh by the way, the dinner experiment has been great! Now I eat dinner every night and it seems to help me sleep better... who knew?!), but that's about all I could eat and not regret later. That means my lunches have consisted of meat, fat, and meat. After about a week and a half of this, I got nauseous. It was the weirdest thing. And all I could think about was Skittles. Well, I ate them, and felt a bajillion times better. I've had to do this every day now. It is not healthy. Skittles are not food. Not even close. And you can bet your bippy they're chock full of GMO's! I have a plan. Baby carrots and some sort of fat based dip. I'm still not up for full-on fiber. I have to reintroduce it slowly, or I'll screw myself over (yes, the attack really was that bad). Costco here I come!
Ready for good stuff?
I've successfully reintroduced eggs. I'm not eating them every day though. It's nice to not HAVE to eat some sort of meat in the morning, now I can do it if I want to. Sometimes perspective is all that matters! Since reintroducing eggs, my spots have been healing even faster, and that's super awesome. What could be more super awesome than that? I'll tell ya. I've only developed one new spot in a good three weeks! You're probably thinking "uh ok, that means you're still actively attacking yourself dear. Why are you so happy about that?" Well Debbie Downer, it's because it's just one spot. And it's a small spot. And it's already healing. Usually they're larger, it's never just one, and they don't typically start healing right after they come into my life - though that has been happening more the longer I eat this way. So be happy for me ok?
About halfway through my no eggs/no hot sauce experiment I also cut out mustard and pepper. Thanks to this lady right here. She's a scientist(!) who also suffers from an autoimmune disorder, and has done a lot of research into the autoimmune side of the paleo world. Her site has been amazing for me. I'm so glad I found her! So anyway, it's been over 30 days since I cut those two things out, and I don't really miss them. I'll probably give them a go at some point, but I've found they're really a non issue in my life. I have yet to give hot sauce a try. See the IBS paragraph and you can probably figure out why.
I started no 'poo today. No, not that kind of poo! Shampoo. The inner hippie is seriously taking over my life right? I decided to try it because other woman with scalp psoriasis (incidentally that's the first place I developed it well over two decades ago!) RAVE about how much it's helped them. I've been thinking about it for months now, so I decided there's no time like the present. I took a before picture, but I'm not going to post it until I have a real opinion about all this. First impression though? Could be pretty amazing. I did take one picture I will share right now:
That's the hair that normally clogs my drain. I know it's hard to see. Why am I even showing you this grossness? Because usually there is easily double to triple that amount - every time I wash my hair (3 times a week. Don't knock it, I used to work at a salon and the stylists all convinced me it was much better for your hair to not wash it every day. They're right). I thought the rest would come out when I combed my hair - as more always does (usually about the same amount as comes out in the shower). And more did; but only about as much as you see there. This is exciting to me since due to my psoriasis I've lost a lot of hair. It's only in the last few months started growing back in in most places. So if no 'poo is preventing even more from coming out in my wash, I am all kinds of on board. I'm not going to talk about the formula I used or any of that until I am more comfortable with what I'm doing. But as of right now, I'm pretty excited.
Um, I think that's all I've got for you today :) Time to go watch True Blood and work out!
Ok so this is the super bad. Prop. 37 in my semi home state of California did not pass. What's the big deal about that?
Mostly I don't care what other states pass or do not pass into law, that's their business. I care when it involves health, and only health. So in addition to this whole Prop. 37 thing, I care about a woman's access to family planning; and yes, access to abortion (though that topic merits an entire posting of it's own, just know before you tell me what a terrible person I am, I have a stance. Here it is: I hate abortion. For real. I think it is psychologically damaging, and if it's not, the woman receiving the abortion has some very serious issues as it is. Here's the thing. I've never met a woman who's had an abortion that was thrilled about it. Not one. It's no sensible, healthy minded woman's idea of birth control. It is a last option. It is a burden they carry for the rest of their lives, and most of them understood that when they made their decision. Yet they still made it, and while they carry that choice for life; they will not go so far as to say they regret it. Why? Because they felt it was the most appropriate thing for their situation. Who the hell am I to tell them what they can and can not do? I've not been in their shoes, and I don't know their life the way they do. So don't bother trying to convert me to anti-choice).
Prop. 37 was about GMO labeling. What's a GMO and why should you care? Read this. Now, the saying is "as California goes, so goes the nation". It's not really true in most cases, but it would have been true in this one. There's a crapton of people living in California you guys. That means there's a crapton of people buying a metric cubed crapton of things. Notably food. When California says "you must label..." companies just go ahead and relabel EVERYTHING. Because in the long run, it's cheaper for them to use the same label on everything they ship, rather than to have a special label just for fancy California peoples and their fancy laws. That effectively means all GMO containing food would have been labeled as such for the entire nation. That would have been rad. Wouldn't you like to know what you're eating? Don't you think you have the right to know what you're eating? These guys don't think so. So I am voting with my wallet until they get their heads out of their asses.
On the upside, it did not pass by a fairly small margin (last stat I saw was 53% against to 47% for), so the message was getting through to a whole lot of people. Maybe next time. In the meantime, don't buy from those companies on that list. Which is pretty easy to do if you're eating Paleo ;)
On to much lighter hearted stuff ok?
The only other not good thing I can think of is this: I've developed hypoglycemic symptoms. That's kind of the middle of the story. Let's start at the start. I took the week of Halloween off and had myself a little staycation. The first Saturday morning, my IBS decided that since I was home for the week, it should come stay with me, and stay it did. All the way until the following Saturday. I have no idea what triggered it, but it made my time off a bit less enjoyable than it otherwise would have been. Now, when I get a long IBS attack, fiber is not my friend. So I was not eating much in the way of carbs, since most of the carbs I eat are of the veggie variety (ok, and chocolate. But chocolate is not a good plan during an IBS attack either. Trust me). She says low carb is bad for woman. I'm going to have to go ahead and agree with her after this bout. Even though my IBS subsided, my digestive system was just not up for veggies. I could eat some sauteed spinach at dinner time (oh by the way, the dinner experiment has been great! Now I eat dinner every night and it seems to help me sleep better... who knew?!), but that's about all I could eat and not regret later. That means my lunches have consisted of meat, fat, and meat. After about a week and a half of this, I got nauseous. It was the weirdest thing. And all I could think about was Skittles. Well, I ate them, and felt a bajillion times better. I've had to do this every day now. It is not healthy. Skittles are not food. Not even close. And you can bet your bippy they're chock full of GMO's! I have a plan. Baby carrots and some sort of fat based dip. I'm still not up for full-on fiber. I have to reintroduce it slowly, or I'll screw myself over (yes, the attack really was that bad). Costco here I come!
Ready for good stuff?
I've successfully reintroduced eggs. I'm not eating them every day though. It's nice to not HAVE to eat some sort of meat in the morning, now I can do it if I want to. Sometimes perspective is all that matters! Since reintroducing eggs, my spots have been healing even faster, and that's super awesome. What could be more super awesome than that? I'll tell ya. I've only developed one new spot in a good three weeks! You're probably thinking "uh ok, that means you're still actively attacking yourself dear. Why are you so happy about that?" Well Debbie Downer, it's because it's just one spot. And it's a small spot. And it's already healing. Usually they're larger, it's never just one, and they don't typically start healing right after they come into my life - though that has been happening more the longer I eat this way. So be happy for me ok?
About halfway through my no eggs/no hot sauce experiment I also cut out mustard and pepper. Thanks to this lady right here. She's a scientist(!) who also suffers from an autoimmune disorder, and has done a lot of research into the autoimmune side of the paleo world. Her site has been amazing for me. I'm so glad I found her! So anyway, it's been over 30 days since I cut those two things out, and I don't really miss them. I'll probably give them a go at some point, but I've found they're really a non issue in my life. I have yet to give hot sauce a try. See the IBS paragraph and you can probably figure out why.
I started no 'poo today. No, not that kind of poo! Shampoo. The inner hippie is seriously taking over my life right? I decided to try it because other woman with scalp psoriasis (incidentally that's the first place I developed it well over two decades ago!) RAVE about how much it's helped them. I've been thinking about it for months now, so I decided there's no time like the present. I took a before picture, but I'm not going to post it until I have a real opinion about all this. First impression though? Could be pretty amazing. I did take one picture I will share right now:
That's the hair that normally clogs my drain. I know it's hard to see. Why am I even showing you this grossness? Because usually there is easily double to triple that amount - every time I wash my hair (3 times a week. Don't knock it, I used to work at a salon and the stylists all convinced me it was much better for your hair to not wash it every day. They're right). I thought the rest would come out when I combed my hair - as more always does (usually about the same amount as comes out in the shower). And more did; but only about as much as you see there. This is exciting to me since due to my psoriasis I've lost a lot of hair. It's only in the last few months started growing back in in most places. So if no 'poo is preventing even more from coming out in my wash, I am all kinds of on board. I'm not going to talk about the formula I used or any of that until I am more comfortable with what I'm doing. But as of right now, I'm pretty excited.
Um, I think that's all I've got for you today :) Time to go watch True Blood and work out!
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