Don't Come to Work Sick! -A Rant-

I recently found out, thanks to a guest post on thepaleomom.com that my autoimmune condition is due to the over stimulation of the same part of my immune system that attacks viruses. Maybe this is why I catch bacterial stuff much more easily than viral? I don't know. Side note, she's writing a book! I so can't wait!

What I do know is that I got a cold last week, and boy, was that lame for me. I was fine in a few days. If you don't count my immune system freaking the flip out on me. My hair is falling out-again. Right in front actually. I have a nice little patch of extremely thinned out hair. That part of my scalp was also bleeding. Super fun stuff right? My psoriatic arthritis is going town (mostly on my hip, so walking is awesome right now-sleeping is ultra comfortable too). And my face. My God! MY FACE. I'm sorry this is at such a terrible angle. I promise I don't normally look like a diseased alien. I'm just really not good at self portraits.

My face. Cold giver, you do not get any thanks from me for this.

So I'm going to use this here blog to rant for a moment. Since it's mine, I can do that.

I would not be dealing with the backsliding in all my symptoms and my head BLEEDING if people would just fucking stay the fuck home when they're sick. That's right, I feel so strongly about it that I'm dropping f bombs. This may be due in part to the fact that this is the second time this person has gotten me sick by coming into work. Also, sometimes nothing gets the point across like the F word. Fact.

No one thinks better of you for coming in sick. No one thinks "Gee, this person is a really hard worker, they're here even though they're coughing up their own lungs! We need more people like that around here!" No. People are thinking "Oh please please PLEASE don't let me catch what she has! Why doesn't she just stay home?!"

And you should. You should stay home. It's rude to come in and infect other people. Because then other people end up coughing their lungs up. Or their autoimmune symptoms start raging. Or they take your illness to their homes and get their entire families sick. Some people have compromised immune systems and could end up in the hospital!

All thanks to you showing up sick instead of watching soaps at home on the couch. Or Ellen. You could have been watching Ellen instead of infecting me (and probably others).

No one is going to thank you for that bit of work you got done when you came in. I have a news flash, it would have gotten done at some point anyway. You're not saving the day and you're not the only person who can get things done.

No one wants you around when you're sick. That's fact. Stay home and get better for the love of all that is not oozing and painful! When you come in sick, you're behaving selfishly. Stop it!

Thankful

I want to start out by saying, I won't talk about this. You and I feel the same way about it, and words are just not good enough.

I just got off the phone with my dad. As I've mentioned before, my Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (which she's all my life called Alltimers) a while back. She is progressing steadily down that road, and there's nothing we can do about it. The worst part about it is not that she's deteriorating (yes of course that's terrible in and of itself); it's the fact that she doesn't know it. In a way yes, that is a good thing. Who wants to know they're falling apart bit by bit? But when you don't know you're falling apart, you don't know you need help. Both my father and I have made mental notes to listen to our children should such a situation arise. If they say we need someone to come and check up on us then it must be true.

That situation has lead me back to how difficult it can be to accept that which you cannot change. No matter how much I know about health and nutrition (or how much I've relearned over these last several months!), at the end of the day, I cannot make my Grandma the person she was. This is hard to accept. No matter how much coconut oil I could try to shove down her throat, I cannot make her remember that she and my Grandfather have been divorced for decades now; his betrayal is not a new pain, but one she'd healed from long ago (she brings that situation up a lot). Or even make her use a cane, because she still insists she can get around just fine (she can't). She can't even hear me when we talk on the phone anymore, so now I don't call. However, she does not know the difference. I guess there are some small blessings mixed in. And for those small graces, I am thankful.

Which brings me back around to my health. Obviously, it is not perfect. Psoriasis. Psoriatic arthritis. Leaky gut. Migraines. Hair falling out. Gluten intolerance. A bad back/hip. IBS. Chronic anemia. Allergies. I have hives as I'm typing this because I reacted to something I ate last week. Have I missed anything? Probably. But I am thankful.

I am thankful.

I am thankful that after years of suffering from all of the above and more, I've found healing. I am thankful that because of my suffering, I learned more of what compassion is. (I need to work on being a more compassionate person, we all do.) I'm thankful that I don't suffer from migraines any longer. I'm thankful my fingers don't hurt when I type now. I'm thankful that my body is making enough hemoglobin, so now I don't get winded walking up the stairs. I'm thankful walking up those stairs doesn't involve feeling like my back and hip will break to pieces! I'm thankful that I don't have to carry around pink tabs and white pills or blue capsules, and that I don't have to worry I'll get sick after eating anymore. I'm thankful I can lift more than 10 pounds. A lot more!

I still have a long way to go, and I don't know that I'll ever be completely healed. That is something I'm learning to accept as well. And accepting that fact is not giving up on my healing (as has been suggested). I will never give up hope that I can put my autoimmunity into remission; I will never stop working towards that goal. But I am willing to accept that better is better than the same. That some damage cannot be undone. I look at where I've come from, and I look at where I am. It's night and day. So I am thankful.

I am thankful that I know what I now know. I'm thankful I've been able to introduce these things to my family. Maybe my father will never have to remember that mental note. Maybe my mom will not have to suffer through another cancer surgery. Maybe my mind, which is the thing I've always valued most about myself, will stick with me all the way until the end. Maybe we'll never live in fear about another heart attack. Maybe my last few months of life won't be spent in pain at the hospital (as was the case with my Mom's Mom). Maybe my (future) children won't feel uncomfortable in their own skin, the way I did for so much of my life.

This was supposed to be a Christmas post. So I guess my gift to myself is one of gratitude. That's a pretty awesome gift in my eyes!

Merry Christmas!

Random Round-up

Goshness, it's been a while since I posted. Again. Sorry. Again. There's lots to tell you though! Don't know where to start really. Maybe the bad? Yeah, because then things get better right? Ok, we'll go with that, thanks for your input.

Ok so this is the super bad. Prop. 37 in my semi home state of California did not pass. What's the big deal about that?

Mostly I don't care what other states pass or do not pass into law, that's their business. I care when it involves health, and only health. So in addition to this whole Prop. 37 thing, I care about a woman's access to family planning; and yes, access to abortion (though that topic merits an entire posting of it's own, just know before you tell me what a terrible person I am, I have a stance. Here it is: I hate abortion. For real. I think it is psychologically damaging, and if it's not, the woman receiving the abortion has some very serious issues as it is. Here's the thing. I've never met a woman who's had an abortion that was thrilled about it. Not one. It's no sensible, healthy minded woman's idea of birth control. It is a last option. It is a burden they carry for the rest of their lives, and most of them understood that when they made their decision. Yet they still made it, and while they carry that choice for life; they will not go so far as to say they regret it. Why? Because they felt it was the most appropriate thing for their situation. Who the hell am I to tell them what they can and can not do? I've not been in their shoes, and I don't know their life the way they do. So don't bother trying to convert me to anti-choice).

Prop. 37 was about GMO labeling. What's a GMO and why should you care? Read this. Now, the saying is "as California goes, so goes the nation". It's not really true in most cases, but it would have been true in this one. There's a crapton of people living in California you guys. That means there's a crapton of people buying a metric cubed crapton of things. Notably food. When California says "you must label..." companies just go ahead and relabel EVERYTHING. Because in the long run, it's cheaper for them to use the same label on everything they ship, rather than to have a special label just for fancy California peoples and their fancy laws. That effectively means all GMO containing food would have been labeled as such for the entire nation. That would have been rad. Wouldn't you like to know what you're eating? Don't you think you have the right to know what you're eating? These guys don't think so. So I am voting with my wallet until they get their heads out of their asses.

On the upside, it did not pass by a fairly small margin (last stat I saw was 53% against to 47% for), so the message was getting through to a whole lot of people. Maybe next time. In the meantime, don't buy from those companies on that list. Which is pretty easy to do if you're eating Paleo ;)

On to much lighter hearted stuff ok?

The only other not good thing I can think of is this: I've developed hypoglycemic symptoms. That's kind of the middle of the story. Let's start at the start. I took the week of Halloween off and had myself a little staycation. The first Saturday morning, my IBS decided that since I was home for the week, it should come stay with me, and stay it did. All the way until the following Saturday. I have no idea what triggered it, but it made my time off a bit less enjoyable than it otherwise would have been. Now, when I get a long IBS attack, fiber is not my friend. So I was not eating much in the way of carbs, since most of the carbs I eat are of the veggie variety (ok, and chocolate. But chocolate is not a good plan during an IBS attack either. Trust me). She says low carb is bad for woman. I'm going to have to go ahead and agree with her after this bout. Even though my IBS subsided, my digestive system was just not up for veggies. I could eat some sauteed spinach at dinner time (oh by the way, the dinner experiment has been great! Now I eat dinner every night and it seems to help me sleep better... who knew?!), but that's about all I could eat and not regret later. That means my lunches have consisted of meat, fat, and meat. After about a week and a half of this, I got nauseous. It was the weirdest thing. And all I could think about was Skittles. Well, I ate them, and felt a bajillion times better. I've had to do this every day now. It is not healthy. Skittles are not food. Not even close. And you can bet your bippy they're chock full of GMO's! I have a plan. Baby carrots and some sort of fat based dip. I'm still not up for full-on fiber. I have to reintroduce it slowly, or I'll screw myself over (yes, the attack really was that bad). Costco here I come!

Ready for good stuff?

I've successfully reintroduced eggs. I'm not eating them every day though. It's nice to not HAVE to eat some sort of meat in the morning, now I can do it if I want to. Sometimes perspective is all that matters! Since reintroducing eggs, my spots have been healing even faster, and that's super awesome. What could be more super awesome than that? I'll tell ya. I've only developed one new spot in a good three weeks! You're probably thinking "uh ok, that means you're still actively attacking yourself dear. Why are you so happy about that?" Well Debbie Downer, it's because it's just one spot. And it's a small spot. And it's already healing. Usually they're larger, it's never just one, and they don't typically start healing right after they come into my life - though that has been happening more the longer I eat this way. So be happy for me ok?

About halfway through my no eggs/no hot sauce experiment I also cut out mustard and pepper. Thanks to this lady right here. She's a scientist(!) who also suffers from an autoimmune disorder, and has done a lot of research into the autoimmune side of the paleo world. Her site has been amazing for me. I'm so glad I found her! So anyway, it's been over 30 days since I cut those two things out, and I don't really miss them. I'll probably give them a go at some point, but I've found they're really a non issue in my life. I have yet to give hot sauce a try. See the IBS paragraph and you can probably figure out why.

I started no 'poo today. No, not that kind of poo! Shampoo. The inner hippie is seriously taking over my life right? I decided to try it because other woman with scalp psoriasis (incidentally that's the first place I developed it well over two decades ago!) RAVE about how much it's helped them. I've been thinking about it for months now, so I decided there's no time like the present. I took a before picture, but I'm not going to post it until I have a real opinion about all this. First impression though? Could be pretty amazing. I did take one picture I will share right now:

That's the hair that normally clogs my drain. I know it's hard to see. Why am I even showing you this grossness? Because usually there is easily double to triple that amount - every time I wash my hair (3 times a week. Don't knock it, I used to work at a salon and the stylists all convinced me it was much better for your hair to not wash it every day. They're right). I thought the rest would come out when I combed my hair - as more always does (usually about the same amount as comes out in the shower). And more did; but only about as much as you see there. This is exciting to me since due to my psoriasis I've lost a lot of hair. It's only in the last few months started growing back in in most places. So if no 'poo is preventing even more from coming out in my wash, I am all kinds of on board. I'm not going to talk about the formula I used or any of that until I am more comfortable with what I'm doing. But as of right now, I'm pretty excited.

Um, I think that's all I've got for you today :) Time to go watch True Blood and work out!

Lightbulb?

Today I developed two "itchy bumps". If you didn't know, that's my shorthand for dermatitis herpetiformis. This is a skin condition that technically only Celiac patients develop. So since I'm "non-celiac gluten intolerant" thanks to my blood test, I guess the itchy bumps don't exist and aren't what they are? Anyway. Whatevers. That part is not really relevant anyway.

Those darn things can turn into a nice little psoriasis spot for me. I try to avoid them, and to heal them as fast as possible when they crop up for this reason.

I got to thinking today when the second itchy bump made me aware of its presence. What has been different over the last few days? One thing, and one thing only. Onion.

I freakin love onions! Raw, cooked, sauteed, gimme! They add great depth of flavor to anything you toss them in. (And people like to have lengthy conversations with you if you've eaten a whole bunch of onion. Promise! Go try it! I'll wait here.) But I don't have them very often. I've had a couple rings of raw onion on my Larkburger (of which I've had 2 in the last month) but no reaction. But yesterday, I tossed a bunch of dried minced onion in with my ground beef. Voila! Itchy bumps.

I have no idea why dried then sauteed minced onion would cause a reaction when raw onion has not. Usually it's the opposite situation when it comes to food reactions. But I've often been accused of being unusual, so I guess it follows. I have to look in to this one. Maybe I just didn't have all that much raw onion in the first place so my reaction wasn't noticeable? I don't know.

In the grand scheme of things, I would feel slightly sad (but I won't cry) to give up the onion. But I'd be much more sad to have to give up eggs for always. Today is day, um, hang on. Day 22 of no eggs. I CAN'T WAIT to eat eggs for breakfast on my first reintroduction day. Seriously, I just really like bacon and eggs for breakfast, so I truly hope I don't have to give that up. Begin your finger crossing now ok?

So that was a random bundle of words up there. I'm going to finish my bone broth - and think of how much you're missing out on with that C ;) - and unload the dishwasher. I know, my life is crazy exciting. Bet you want to be me huh?

Egg Free-Day 5

I forgot to tell you! I'm doing a Paleo Autoimmune Protocol. I eat this way most of the time since going Paleo as it is, but the big thing was eggs. You may remember, I wasn't a fan of cutting them out the first time round. But that was in my first 30 days and I was trying to find my way through.

I've never been a big fan of nuts, so that's not been hard. Though I do still have almond milk in my morning tea. However, what people tend to react to in almonds is the outer skin, which is removed in the process of making almond milk. Plus, it's like a whole 1/4 cup of almond milk a day. Big friggin woop. It's not going anywhere yet is what I'm getting at.

I gave up tomatoes a while back. I have never liked raw tomatoes, so really my only source was in chili as tomato paste, or pizza sauce. Since I've not been eating pizza since going Paleo, and since I just don't eat chili all that much (I made the conscious decision to have Melissa's Chocolate Chili last week. Seriously so worth it. Buy the damn cookbook! You can thank me later.) it wasn't hard on me either.

Peppers...that was kinda hard and I only officially cut them out as well on Monday along with eggs. Not long after (maybe a week or two?) starting Paleo, I made fajitas with red and green bell peppers. My stomach protested. I was sad. So I gave those up - with the hope of reintroducing them after a long period of healing. But I have Chalula hot sauce on my scrambled eggs every morning. Didn't seem to be having a reaction, but that's the only time I eat any form of nightshade now, so it was automatically cut when eggs went out the window.

This week has been hard for breakfast. I've basically been having the same salad I have for lunch at breakfast. But it's a lot of food, and my tummy is not ready for that volume first thing in the morning. I eat as much as I can, but end up having a good portion of my breakfast at lunch too. Problem? I'm starting to get hungry again by 10:30. My egg and bacon breakfasts had been keeping me comfortably full until around 11:30 and lunch is noon, so that wasn't a problem. First world problems I know, but getting back to good health (though I question when I was ever actually truly healthy...) is my number one goal. I'm also not much of a snacker. Thankfully Dallas and Melissa think that's good :) Maybe I'll add another strip or two of bacon! :) For the fat you know... Keeps your stomach satisfied longer. I love bacon.

This is going to be a sad thing to admit. I'll start with the good. My psoriasis seems to be clearing more. I should be jumping for joy over that. And don't get me wrong, it does make me happy. But I love eggs! I obviously can't conclusively link the healing directly to cutting them out. I just finished paying up my girl club dues, and my psoriasis always seems a bit better after that for some reason (something else to research) so it could just be that. Or it could be that even though I didn't think I was reacting to the seriously miniscule amount of nightshades in Chalula, maybe I was. Doubtful, but a girl can dream can't she? I'd much rather give up peppers than eggs.

I'm doing this for at least 30 days before I do any reintroduction. Then I'll know. Cross your fingers I only have to give up hot sauce!

When Your Face Falls Off... (maybe you'll forget to click publish)

 I wrote this last week...I was distracted. My face was/is falling off. Sorry.

As you know, I've got the P. As in psoriasis. And as you also know, I'm having a lovely flare on my face. I go back and forth about using my topical meds, but when it comes down to it; I'm vain so I end up breaking down and lathering up (really it's more like oiling or ointmenting up but whatevers).

There's a weird side effect to this though. Not like an actual side effect that should be noted in the literature along with the "real" side effects of rosacia, skin infections, sun sensitivity and so forth. No. This is just a random thing that happens when it starts to work. Your skin falls of. So in my case, my face falls off.

Rather, it sheets. Sheeting is just what it sounds like. You know when you were a kid and you put Elmer's glue on your hand and let it dry almost all the way and then peeled it off and tried to gross out your parents by going "AAAAAAAA!!!!! LOOK!!!!!!!! My skin is peeling OFF!!!!!!!" And then shoving your hand in their faces and they humored you and were all "oh yeah, that's pretty gross...go wash your hands please."? Yeah. It's just like that, but there's no glue involved.

I have no idea where I was going with this. I guess I just wanted to leave you with that visual. But you know what? Technically it's progress. My face is less scaly and just has to fall off now.

Apparently I'm a reptile. Who knew?

Off. The. Rails.

Yep.

Totally off the rails for like the last 3ish weeks. Well not totally totally. Didn't feast on gluten bombs or anything extra stupid like that. But I did eat an entire box of mini York Peppermint Patties. Yes, you read that right. Box. A whole Costco sized box. I do believe the box read 175 delicious patty yum yums inside (though I could be paraphrasing. That really should be on the box though. You want to hire me now don't you York makers? Mmm hmm, I know. Sorry, I just can't, but I appreciate the love.)

Mind you, I didn't eat them all at once, I don't actually have a death wish. It's seriously taken 3 weeks to do it. Please do not try that at home. No one should ever do that. Your insides will hate you. Your tongue however will think you're awesome. Keep in mind though, the tongue is only a small part of the body. And the rest of you will think...well it just won't be too happy with you ok? No, I don't know why I did it. I know better.

That's not all I've done to myself.

You see, I moved. That's all fine and dandy, the move went as smooth as moves can go, but the eating that resulted from every day for the last 3 weeks having to do with moving? Um, not pretty. Had some Qdoba (still delish, but not as delish as I remembered a mere 5 months ago...) By some, I mean 3 days in a row. Only Qdoba obtained foods entered my tummy. Not cool. Would I like a Dr. Pepper with my 3 cheese chicken nachos too? ?Como se dice "Hell yeah I would!"? Because lets be honest here, water does not wash down the yum that is Qdoba queso like Dr. Pepper does. It just doesn't, that's actual and it's factual.

Oh, and you know, you sleep like crap when you're brain won't shut off at night thinking about all the things you need to take care of. So then at work, you make bad choices. Like you drink soda. Even if it doesn't have caffeine because you want any sort of energy you can get your hands on. I'm not going to lie here and try to play off like I gave up soda forever when I went Paleo. No. I still have it now and then. Except when I had at least a months worth of it in one week. Yeah, except for that disaster it's a now and then thing.

When you're moving, you don't have time to cook. At least not when the you here is me. Nope, sure don't. So you order a salad (delivered). Not a bad choice I know, of all the choices I could have made. But the lettuce? Not organic. Chicken? Hahahahahaha! You are funny. No, that's for sure not meat from a happy chicken who led a fulfilled little chicken life. Dressing chock full of inflammatory Omega 6 Canola oil? You betcha! As those beautiful Hartwig's say: less healthy. Less healthy than what I make for myself on a regular day. By far.

Supplements! Yeah, didn't take those for the last two weeks either. Sigh.

The last 3 weeks turned into an n=1 experiment. What will happen to The Hussy after eating pretty well and making really great progress over the last five to 6 months if she goes on a sugar laden stress eating canola oil chugging (ok, exageration there) 3 week crap food and stress binge?

Well, let me tell you. Psoriasis. Big surprise with that one I know, seeing as how I was still flaring on a pretty clean diet as it was. Crap sleep. It wasn't ALL due to my overactive brain. No, you eat like crap, you sleep like crap, that's how these things go. Anemia? Yeah. I don't have any blood tests to show it, but my nail beds were a lovely bluish white tinge and my fatigue was not just a reflection of poor sleep I know. As I've said before, there is a particular tiredness that only comes from a lack of red blood cell oxygen action.

I'm also more hair triggerie than usual (it's a word. Look it up. No, don't. We both know that will be a waste of time. But you still know what it means so it's a word! Logic -1, real words - 0). I'm anxious and extra cranky! That's just wonderful for everyone around me. I'm sure they've been so happy to share their days with me.

Oh and how bout this for the topper? My hair is falling out. Awesome huh? Love it. No really though, it is. Not in clumps. Just more. More when I comb my hair in the mornings. More when I take a shower. More when I brush. Just more you know? Heavy sigh. But after catching a glimpse of the flare I'm having on my scalp from this stupidity, I can't really say I'm surprised.

On a related note, kinda, minor acne. This is only notable because I do not break out. Can you imagine? An esthetician with breakouts? Ugh. And when I say minor, I seriously have 2 little itty bitty zits. On my chin. Hormones. Chin is hormone related, so my hormones are sad. Big surprise. Eat like crap, get sad hormones.

But!

I'm mostly settled in. By mostly I mean hardly at all but I can walk around without bumping into things and cook without having to remove boxes from the stove so we'll call that good for now. This means I'm back to cooking for my lunches. Getting back into my normal routine. Today was my first normal day since the move. Except I forgot my lunchtime supplements. Oh well. I had my morning dosages, and I'll remember them tomorrow.

And I'm super excited because I ordered "Practical Paleo" and it should be in tomorrow! The reviews of it are all around great, and she's apparently got a good autoimmune protocol and meal ideas to go with it (main reason for the purchase really), so Ima check that out!

Sorry for all the terrible grammar and non words, but I'm still "off". Thanks for not hating me :)

Hypopigmentation achived...yay!

Why on earth would I be happy about white spots on my rapidly tanning body? Because it means a spot is healed. Not just ANY spot either. The test spot. Now there's just a white spot. I'll take it. It will brown up shortly. That is all. Probably not. But that is all for this post.

The Sugar Monster

I have one. It lives in my tongue and it has direct access to my brain. It's been super vocal these last couple weeks and I've been giving in. One day it was a couple York peppermint patties. The next maybe a couple more and a mini piece of chocolate and so on. 3 Dr. Peppers in the last few weeks as well. This from only having a teaspoon and a half of sugar in my tea in the mornings and that was it. Big spike!

This week I've not been sleeping well. I think this is no coincidence. I've also stopped making progress with my spot healing. And I have to be honest, I've been a bit more free with cheese than normal (as in, I've had some. I don't normally do any milk products unless they live in my chocolate and that's been the case for a long time now).

My sugar monster is poisoning me. Tomorrow I kick the sugar monster's ass. I gave myself this weekend because my bff was finally graduating and I knew there would be some sort of yumminess at her parent's house today. There was. I had ice cream. Tomorrow it begins!

Death to the sugar monster!

P.S. C told me I should start tagging my posts. I figured since I'm getting random page views anyway I may as well. So let the tagging begin.

P.P.S. C did not like The Paleo Solution. The science stuff was boring to her. She's reading The Primal Blueprint and seems to be enjoying it more.