Don't Come to Work Sick! -A Rant-

I recently found out, thanks to a guest post on thepaleomom.com that my autoimmune condition is due to the over stimulation of the same part of my immune system that attacks viruses. Maybe this is why I catch bacterial stuff much more easily than viral? I don't know. Side note, she's writing a book! I so can't wait!

What I do know is that I got a cold last week, and boy, was that lame for me. I was fine in a few days. If you don't count my immune system freaking the flip out on me. My hair is falling out-again. Right in front actually. I have a nice little patch of extremely thinned out hair. That part of my scalp was also bleeding. Super fun stuff right? My psoriatic arthritis is going town (mostly on my hip, so walking is awesome right now-sleeping is ultra comfortable too). And my face. My God! MY FACE. I'm sorry this is at such a terrible angle. I promise I don't normally look like a diseased alien. I'm just really not good at self portraits.

My face. Cold giver, you do not get any thanks from me for this.

So I'm going to use this here blog to rant for a moment. Since it's mine, I can do that.

I would not be dealing with the backsliding in all my symptoms and my head BLEEDING if people would just fucking stay the fuck home when they're sick. That's right, I feel so strongly about it that I'm dropping f bombs. This may be due in part to the fact that this is the second time this person has gotten me sick by coming into work. Also, sometimes nothing gets the point across like the F word. Fact.

No one thinks better of you for coming in sick. No one thinks "Gee, this person is a really hard worker, they're here even though they're coughing up their own lungs! We need more people like that around here!" No. People are thinking "Oh please please PLEASE don't let me catch what she has! Why doesn't she just stay home?!"

And you should. You should stay home. It's rude to come in and infect other people. Because then other people end up coughing their lungs up. Or their autoimmune symptoms start raging. Or they take your illness to their homes and get their entire families sick. Some people have compromised immune systems and could end up in the hospital!

All thanks to you showing up sick instead of watching soaps at home on the couch. Or Ellen. You could have been watching Ellen instead of infecting me (and probably others).

No one is going to thank you for that bit of work you got done when you came in. I have a news flash, it would have gotten done at some point anyway. You're not saving the day and you're not the only person who can get things done.

No one wants you around when you're sick. That's fact. Stay home and get better for the love of all that is not oozing and painful! When you come in sick, you're behaving selfishly. Stop it!

Thankful

I want to start out by saying, I won't talk about this. You and I feel the same way about it, and words are just not good enough.

I just got off the phone with my dad. As I've mentioned before, my Grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (which she's all my life called Alltimers) a while back. She is progressing steadily down that road, and there's nothing we can do about it. The worst part about it is not that she's deteriorating (yes of course that's terrible in and of itself); it's the fact that she doesn't know it. In a way yes, that is a good thing. Who wants to know they're falling apart bit by bit? But when you don't know you're falling apart, you don't know you need help. Both my father and I have made mental notes to listen to our children should such a situation arise. If they say we need someone to come and check up on us then it must be true.

That situation has lead me back to how difficult it can be to accept that which you cannot change. No matter how much I know about health and nutrition (or how much I've relearned over these last several months!), at the end of the day, I cannot make my Grandma the person she was. This is hard to accept. No matter how much coconut oil I could try to shove down her throat, I cannot make her remember that she and my Grandfather have been divorced for decades now; his betrayal is not a new pain, but one she'd healed from long ago (she brings that situation up a lot). Or even make her use a cane, because she still insists she can get around just fine (she can't). She can't even hear me when we talk on the phone anymore, so now I don't call. However, she does not know the difference. I guess there are some small blessings mixed in. And for those small graces, I am thankful.

Which brings me back around to my health. Obviously, it is not perfect. Psoriasis. Psoriatic arthritis. Leaky gut. Migraines. Hair falling out. Gluten intolerance. A bad back/hip. IBS. Chronic anemia. Allergies. I have hives as I'm typing this because I reacted to something I ate last week. Have I missed anything? Probably. But I am thankful.

I am thankful.

I am thankful that after years of suffering from all of the above and more, I've found healing. I am thankful that because of my suffering, I learned more of what compassion is. (I need to work on being a more compassionate person, we all do.) I'm thankful that I don't suffer from migraines any longer. I'm thankful my fingers don't hurt when I type now. I'm thankful that my body is making enough hemoglobin, so now I don't get winded walking up the stairs. I'm thankful walking up those stairs doesn't involve feeling like my back and hip will break to pieces! I'm thankful that I don't have to carry around pink tabs and white pills or blue capsules, and that I don't have to worry I'll get sick after eating anymore. I'm thankful I can lift more than 10 pounds. A lot more!

I still have a long way to go, and I don't know that I'll ever be completely healed. That is something I'm learning to accept as well. And accepting that fact is not giving up on my healing (as has been suggested). I will never give up hope that I can put my autoimmunity into remission; I will never stop working towards that goal. But I am willing to accept that better is better than the same. That some damage cannot be undone. I look at where I've come from, and I look at where I am. It's night and day. So I am thankful.

I am thankful that I know what I now know. I'm thankful I've been able to introduce these things to my family. Maybe my father will never have to remember that mental note. Maybe my mom will not have to suffer through another cancer surgery. Maybe my mind, which is the thing I've always valued most about myself, will stick with me all the way until the end. Maybe we'll never live in fear about another heart attack. Maybe my last few months of life won't be spent in pain at the hospital (as was the case with my Mom's Mom). Maybe my (future) children won't feel uncomfortable in their own skin, the way I did for so much of my life.

This was supposed to be a Christmas post. So I guess my gift to myself is one of gratitude. That's a pretty awesome gift in my eyes!

Merry Christmas!

Off. The. Rails.

Yep.

Totally off the rails for like the last 3ish weeks. Well not totally totally. Didn't feast on gluten bombs or anything extra stupid like that. But I did eat an entire box of mini York Peppermint Patties. Yes, you read that right. Box. A whole Costco sized box. I do believe the box read 175 delicious patty yum yums inside (though I could be paraphrasing. That really should be on the box though. You want to hire me now don't you York makers? Mmm hmm, I know. Sorry, I just can't, but I appreciate the love.)

Mind you, I didn't eat them all at once, I don't actually have a death wish. It's seriously taken 3 weeks to do it. Please do not try that at home. No one should ever do that. Your insides will hate you. Your tongue however will think you're awesome. Keep in mind though, the tongue is only a small part of the body. And the rest of you will think...well it just won't be too happy with you ok? No, I don't know why I did it. I know better.

That's not all I've done to myself.

You see, I moved. That's all fine and dandy, the move went as smooth as moves can go, but the eating that resulted from every day for the last 3 weeks having to do with moving? Um, not pretty. Had some Qdoba (still delish, but not as delish as I remembered a mere 5 months ago...) By some, I mean 3 days in a row. Only Qdoba obtained foods entered my tummy. Not cool. Would I like a Dr. Pepper with my 3 cheese chicken nachos too? ?Como se dice "Hell yeah I would!"? Because lets be honest here, water does not wash down the yum that is Qdoba queso like Dr. Pepper does. It just doesn't, that's actual and it's factual.

Oh, and you know, you sleep like crap when you're brain won't shut off at night thinking about all the things you need to take care of. So then at work, you make bad choices. Like you drink soda. Even if it doesn't have caffeine because you want any sort of energy you can get your hands on. I'm not going to lie here and try to play off like I gave up soda forever when I went Paleo. No. I still have it now and then. Except when I had at least a months worth of it in one week. Yeah, except for that disaster it's a now and then thing.

When you're moving, you don't have time to cook. At least not when the you here is me. Nope, sure don't. So you order a salad (delivered). Not a bad choice I know, of all the choices I could have made. But the lettuce? Not organic. Chicken? Hahahahahaha! You are funny. No, that's for sure not meat from a happy chicken who led a fulfilled little chicken life. Dressing chock full of inflammatory Omega 6 Canola oil? You betcha! As those beautiful Hartwig's say: less healthy. Less healthy than what I make for myself on a regular day. By far.

Supplements! Yeah, didn't take those for the last two weeks either. Sigh.

The last 3 weeks turned into an n=1 experiment. What will happen to The Hussy after eating pretty well and making really great progress over the last five to 6 months if she goes on a sugar laden stress eating canola oil chugging (ok, exageration there) 3 week crap food and stress binge?

Well, let me tell you. Psoriasis. Big surprise with that one I know, seeing as how I was still flaring on a pretty clean diet as it was. Crap sleep. It wasn't ALL due to my overactive brain. No, you eat like crap, you sleep like crap, that's how these things go. Anemia? Yeah. I don't have any blood tests to show it, but my nail beds were a lovely bluish white tinge and my fatigue was not just a reflection of poor sleep I know. As I've said before, there is a particular tiredness that only comes from a lack of red blood cell oxygen action.

I'm also more hair triggerie than usual (it's a word. Look it up. No, don't. We both know that will be a waste of time. But you still know what it means so it's a word! Logic -1, real words - 0). I'm anxious and extra cranky! That's just wonderful for everyone around me. I'm sure they've been so happy to share their days with me.

Oh and how bout this for the topper? My hair is falling out. Awesome huh? Love it. No really though, it is. Not in clumps. Just more. More when I comb my hair in the mornings. More when I take a shower. More when I brush. Just more you know? Heavy sigh. But after catching a glimpse of the flare I'm having on my scalp from this stupidity, I can't really say I'm surprised.

On a related note, kinda, minor acne. This is only notable because I do not break out. Can you imagine? An esthetician with breakouts? Ugh. And when I say minor, I seriously have 2 little itty bitty zits. On my chin. Hormones. Chin is hormone related, so my hormones are sad. Big surprise. Eat like crap, get sad hormones.

But!

I'm mostly settled in. By mostly I mean hardly at all but I can walk around without bumping into things and cook without having to remove boxes from the stove so we'll call that good for now. This means I'm back to cooking for my lunches. Getting back into my normal routine. Today was my first normal day since the move. Except I forgot my lunchtime supplements. Oh well. I had my morning dosages, and I'll remember them tomorrow.

And I'm super excited because I ordered "Practical Paleo" and it should be in tomorrow! The reviews of it are all around great, and she's apparently got a good autoimmune protocol and meal ideas to go with it (main reason for the purchase really), so Ima check that out!

Sorry for all the terrible grammar and non words, but I'm still "off". Thanks for not hating me :)